So, you’re married and living happily ever after? Or not. Marriage is hard. It’s very rarely a case of happily ever after. Sharing your life with someone involves constant compromise, and effort to keep your love strong. It’s also likely to include many arguments. Some will be petty things that don’t matter, but others will be more fundamental and hurtful. If that sounds familiar, understand that it’s normal! If a marriage didn’t involve an occasional spat, it wouldn’t be an honest one. No one is perfect at all times, least of all when you’re around them all the time. Even so, it can be easy to let those small issues get out of control. Here’s a guide of what not to do when things get tough in your marriage.
Lash Out During Arguments
Be honest; we’ve all done it. You’re in the throes of an argument, and you say something hurtful that you can’t take back. A move like this could cause an unnecessary argument to turn into a huge issue. Not to mention that things said in the heat of the moment are often designed to hurt, even if they aren’t true. The easiest way around the problem is to not do it! You may feel angry at your partner while the argument is going on, but that’s no reason to let hurtful things slip. If you feel you’re about to explode during your next argument, take the time to count to ten. While you do that, look at the argument in a logical way. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Unlikely. Is it worth sabotaging your marriage? Probably not. This is the person you love, remember. You should never say anything intending to hurt them.
Use the “D word” as a Threat
Again, far more of us are guilty of doing this than we like to admit. In truth, the dangerous threat of divorce is often used in an attempt to win arguments. Want some honest advice about this? NEVER do it. Divorce is no laughing matter, and you should never use it to get one over on your partner. One minute you’re joking about it, the next you’re hiring divorce mediation and living your nightmare. Never mention divorce in the spur of the moment, especially during an argument. Think of the damage it could cause. So, if the “D word” is even remotely in your head, consider talking with a therapist or online marriage counselor ASAP!
When we’re angry, or going through a rough patch, it’s easy to exaggerate problems. Suddenly, that annoying habit he has seems unbearable to you. You start focusing on the negative aspect of everything because you’re mad! Don’t get into the exaggeration game. Just because you had one argument, is no reason to hate everything about your man. It doesn’t mean your relationship is beyond repair. If you let issues escalate, those small problems could become more severe. Learning to let go of arguments when they’re finished will keep you away from this. Don’t hold onto them and make them into more than they need to be!