Breakups are hard enough to deal with at the best of times, let alone when you have a family to think of. As a mother, all you ever want is what’s best for your children, which is why you always put them first. Even if they don’t realize it, by choosing to get out of an unhappy and unhealthy marriage, you are putting them first. It’s no secret that divorce is never easy for kids, but neither is living in an unhappy home. Hence why, sometimes, you have to be brave and do what you know is best, even if it’s difficult and painful to do.
The problem with separating from your partner is that although it might be what’s best in the long-run, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. The chances are that as a mother, you are worrying a lot about the impact getting a divorce will have on your family. Don’t worry; it’s perfectly normal to panic a little. After all, getting divorced is a big change to adapt to. However, if it’s the right thing for yourself and your children, then it’s the right thing to do.
To help make the process of separating a little easier, below are a few of the worries that every mother has when getting divorced. Along with the best ways to deal with each and every one of them. Have a read of these and they should make you feel a little better and less stressed out.
Your children will resent you
A fear that a lot of mothers have when choosing to divorce their partner is that their children will resent them for it. The truth is that at first, your children may resent you for choosing to break up their family. However, that doesn’t mean that they’ll always feel this way. At first, breakups are sad and upsetting. But, in time, as the wounds heal, many kids begin to appreciate the fact that their parents did what was best for the family. Even if, at the time, they didn’t realize what that was, or why a divorce was necessary. There are children who grew up in unhappy homes and spend their entire lives wishing their parents would separate. So don’t panic that your children will resent you for getting divorced. Because, eventually – even if it takes time, they will understand why you made the decision that you did.
You’ll lose your home
With divorce comes the division of shared assets. Working out who gets what and who will live where is never going to be easy. However, it’s a necessary part of any breakup. Obviously, if you own a home with your ex-partner, this can be an incredibly stressful time. The chances are that you’re worrying that you’ll lose your home and everything that you’ve put into it. While you might have to move out of the property that you currently live in, it should be divided fairly. To determine who gets what, it’s best to consult a specialist family lawyer. That way, you can discuss the custody arrangements of your children at the same time as you work out who will live where. Some couples decided that to keep the children’s lives as steady as possible, one parent will continue to live in the family home with them. While the other will find somewhere new to live. This should ideally be somewhere that has spare bedrooms for the children to stay in. Normally, the mother stays in the family home with the kids. But this depends, of course, on each individual family setup. Regardless of which parent stays in the family home, normally it’s agreed that once the children turn 18, it will be sold. So that each parent can get their share of the money, and buy a new place each.
You won’t be able to cope financially
A major worry that a lot of mothers have about getting divorced is that they won’t be able to cope financially. Going from two incomes to one income is never going to be easy. However, it’s important to remember that there is help available from local governments and charities. However, remember that just because you’re breaking up, that doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t have to help with costs. He’ll still be responsible for helping you to cover the costs of bringing up your little ones. As a rule of thumb, each parent should cover half of the annual costs of raising each child. This means covering food, clothing, and childcare costs, for example. However, if you want your child to attend an expensive school, for instance. You can’t expect your partner to pay half their fees, because it’s not a necessity, it’s just something that you want for your kids. If you both agree that a private school is best, then it’s fine to split the fees. What it’s important to remember is that even if you’re living on less than before, all that matters is that you are bringing up your kids in a happy home. Money might be tighter than before, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give your children a good life. As long as you can feed and clothe them, that’s all that matters.
You will regret it
Something that a lot of people worry about when getting divorced is that they’ll regret it. Right now, you might want to separate from your partner, but you may be worried that in a few months time, you’ll come to regret it and will want them back. The thing is, when you’ve got kids, it’s not fair to unsettle them by breaking up with your partner and then getting back together. If you’re going to break up, it needs to be for good. You can’t keep breaking up and getting back together because it will only cause your children more heartache. So, if you’re unsure about whether divorce is the best option, try couple’s therapy and see if you’re able to work out your problems. If you’re not able to work them out, then the chances are that you won’t regret getting divorced. You deserve to be happy, and sometimes separating from your partner is the best way to make yourself happy. If you have valid reasons for wanting to break up, then the chances are that getting divorced is something that you won’t regret doing.
It will impact your children’s behavior
For children, their parents getting divorced can feel like the worst thing in the world. It’s terrifying because they don’t know what’s going to happen or where they’re going to live. A lot of children whose parents break up do have some behavioral issues. These can be things like becoming clingy, acting up at school, or getting angry easily. Ask any children’s therapist, and they’ll tell you that a change in a child’s behavior after a divorce is normal and to be expected. In time, your children will accept what has happened and begin to move on with their lives. It’s just a case of giving them the time and understanding that they need to come to terms with what has happened. Each child deals with family breakups differently. Some kids are perfectly fine, while others really struggle. The important thing is to constantly reassure your children that everything is going to be okay.
Your kids will blame themselves
A lot of parents worry that their children will blame themselves for their divorce. For some reason, kids often think that the reason their parents chose to split up was because of them and their behavior. They don’t want to believe that their parents simply weren’t happy together, so instead they blame themselves. Whether they have a tendency to get bad grades or not do as they’re told, they may think that this is the reason that their parents chose to get divorced. However, deep down, they know it’s not because of them. What’s important is that as their mother, you tell them that you got divorced because you were unhappy, not because of them. Make sure that your ex-partner also says the same. It may take your kids time to realize it, but in time they will understand that nothing they could have done would have prevented you from breaking up. If your children really struggle with the idea that they are to blame for your breakup, sending them to speak to a therapist could be the answer.
As a mother, it’s natural to worry about the impact that your divorce will have on your children. However, what it’s important to understand is that staying in an unhappy marriage can be even more damaging than breaking up your family. Hopefully, the tips and advice above have helped you to see the answers to the most common worries that parents have about divorce. So that you feel a little more comfortable taking the leap and separating from your partner. If it’s the right thing for your family, take the leap and get divorced. In time, your children will be happier for it.