A lot of women get up in the morning with their partner by their side, complete the routine, like lunch boxes and breakfasts, then kisses their beloved goodbye; knowing they’ll see them again at the end of the working day. Being the wife, or girlfriend, of someone who works in the military and has to be deployed for months at a time, brings an array of challenges with it. However, love often overshadows those struggles; otherwise, you wouldn’t continue with the relationship.
You’ll obviously imagine the long-term with your husband, and those moments that they’re back at home with you will be more precious than you could ever imagine. Therefore, making an effort to live a happy and fulfilled life will be completely worth it, and you won’t regret those tough times as it will only make you stronger. Many military wives realize that leading a civilian life without their spouse is far harder than a non-traditional situation that includes them. It’s just about finding a balance and all those little things that can help you get through each day, weeks, and month. The following are some tips, advice, and ideas for women who are new military wives, and for those who are struggling with their partners being away for so long.
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Nesting And Creating Your Sanctuary
You’re more than likely to be moving around the country as a military wife. You might end up living in a place for years, in military accommodation, where you’d have never dreamed of relocating to by choice. However, the sooner you settle into your new surroundings, the easier the transition will be when it comes to saying farewell to your loved one for months, or even years. Therefore, it’s worth throwing as much energy as possible into creating surroundings that are a joy to live in and that you look forward to coming home to each day. You’ll need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable; especially on those tough nights where you feel lonely, and you’re missing your spouse more than ever.
Renovation and major DIY will probably be off your homemaking agenda, so you need to find things that will instantly lift your space and create your ideal interior. Interior accessories are the perfect place to start. Surround yourself with your loved ones by having plenty of family and friends, and the memories you’ve shared, in picture frames around the house, or in one particular area. You could create a photo collage of your and your husband and include all your favorite moments together. Leave space within the frame so that you can add to it year on year when they’re home; it’s a great way to stay positive and look forward to their return.
Soft furnishings in your favorite colors (you obviously get to chose as you’re there more often) are another great way to make your interior space feel comfortable and inviting. Layer up beds, sofas, and chairs with cushions, blankets, and throws; you can incorporate an array of textures and hues, and you’ll have the perfect spot to curl up on when you’re on the phone to your other half. Houseplants will always bring a fresh touch to the room, and you can nurture your green companions as they grow and enrich your living area. Sentimental furniture pieces can be shipped with you to every location, and they’ll instantly make you feel at ease and at home in your current abode, so it’s worth investing in looking after them and the relocation of each piece if and when you move.
Little touches like giving your partner a special place at the dinner table, even when they’re not there, can spark fond memories. If you have kids, or your friends and extended family are over for a meal; you can share stories, and plan what you’re going to do together on his return. Have a chart or a large list up on your refrigerator or wall and write down all the future plans you have together. You can add to the list every time an idea pops into your head, or when you’ve shared something over the phone together or on Skype. Obviously, your focus will naturally go towards the moments when your partner is back with you; however, it’s vital that you live each day in the now so that you’re not in a constant state of pining or despair. A welcoming home and enjoyable environment and space around you will provide the perfect backdrop to a life in whatever location you end up.
Regular Communication And Addressing Issues
The relationship side of living apart for so long will take its toll on any relationship, but the military can bring added pressure and uncertainty. Therefore, it’s vital that you keep pushing forward with your communication; you must still share your thoughts, worries, and don’t forget your positives, with your spouse during periods of deployment. They will be thinking about you and life at home just as much as you will be worrying about their situation and safety. You’re more than likely going to go through periods of anger and resentment, and the subsequent guilt that follows. Remember that you’re a human being, and all these emotions are normal but don’t bottle everything up; talk to a trusted loved one, or even seek the help and advice of a counselor or trained expert in this field.
Military wives often have to face challenges in their relationship when their husband returns and lives at home again; whether this is a temporary or permanent situation. After living apart for so long, and the fact that your spouse will be used to a very strict way of life, full of instructions and routines, mean that adjusting to life together again will take time and patience. It can be difficult to open up about the emotions you’re both feeling and the issues you might be having; however, it’ll be a weight off both your shoulders, and you’ll never regret seeking council together, or alone.
Many wives, girlfriends, and partners end up living in PTSD relationships on their partner’s return; often due to what they’ve experienced during war and what they’ve seen overseas. It’s crucial that you look out for signs that your partner is struggling with their mental well-being, and encourage them to open up so that you can tackle any issues as a team. Let your other half know that you’re there to help and that they are loved; it can be difficult for those that work or have worked within a military setting to open up about their feelings and daily struggles. However, PTSD and other mental health issues don’t go away on their own, so you both need to look for appropriate help, treatment, and assistance to recover.
Asking your partner to be open about their thoughts and feelings will also assist and strengthen your relationship when they’re away. Therefore, being there to talk when they call and setting up regular call times is the perfect way to get through each day. Their health and safety will be in your mind at every moment, so those calls to one another are a way to comfort the both of you. Try to end each one with your feelings towards each other; you both need to feel loved. You’ll be there to provide a much-needed distraction from what’s happening on your partner’s deployment, and they’ll be there to reassure you that they are safe and unharmed. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship and being a military wife, so ensure that it’s a priority.
Focusing On Yourself And Others
Even though it’s going to be heartbreaking every time you have to say goodbye, and you’ll have moved away from things and people that you know and love; you will still have the chance to focus on yourself as a military wife. Accepting and embracing the decisions you’ve made to make your spouse’s job the priority is going to be challenging. Therefore, it’s time to be proactive and focus on the things you might not have been able to do within a civilian lifestyle. You can take an online course, study for qualifications, or work on your hobby and hone those skills and talents you never knew you had.
If you’re a mom; get involved in school life and create a new family and support network with other women in your situation. Kids can be an excellent distraction, and pouring your efforts into their well-being and development will only enrich both of your lives. Become an integral part of your military community; these are the people who understand exactly what you’re going through, so you’ll have people to talk to whenever you need, and you, in turn, can support them. Eat meals together and organize social events and get-togethers; this is another great way to focus on something fun for yourself and ensure that you don’t feel lonely.
You love your partner why is why you’re in this life; it’s difficult, but the rewards can be great. You’ll grow as a person and become stronger than you ever thought possible, so embrace each moment and tackle them head-on; even the challenging ones. And never forget to be kind to yourself and your other half.
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