Divorce is never a comfortable subject to speak about or even go through. When we get married, it’s usually the happiest day of our lives and we’re in a blissful state for the next few months. We often think marriage is forever, and for some people it is because divorce isn’t and will never be an option for them.Unfortunately, there are some people who choose not to fight for their marriage and would rather just walk away. If that’s the case, Shelly M. Ingram can assist you with whatever decision you choose to make. Let’s talk about the 8 most common reasons why couples get divorced.
- Got married for the wrong reasons
- Not having a shared vision of success
- Constant bickering and arguing
- Unrealistic expectations
- Lack of equality
Got Married for the Wrong Reasons
There are so many people out here who get married for the wrong reasons. Whether it be money, a baby is on the way or even out of loneliness. We have to make sure we’re in a marriage because that’s what you want and because you love each other. If you get married for money, what happens if the person loses all the money they had? If you get married because you got pregnant and you feel the need to do the right thing. What happens when things just don’t work out, or if your spouse never wanted children to begin with? If you get married because you’re lonely, what happens if you continue to feel lonely because that void was never filled even after you got married. Getting married for the wrong reasons is a disaster waiting to happen.
Infidelity is one of the top reasons that most marriages end in divorce. Most cases of cheating start off as innocent friendships that can later on lead to something else, especially if that person feels neglected in the relationship. Also, their partner may not be meeting their needs sexually which may lead him/her to stray and find someone that can fulfill them.
Money is also at the top of the mist for reasons for divorce. Many couples don’t know how to manage their finances and aren’t compatible where finances are concerned. You may have one that is a saver and one that’s a spender or one is focused on their future goals while the other may just live in the moment and that causes a lot of conflict. If couples aren’t on the same page financially it can be very hard on a marriage to the point where they feel they have no other option but to separate.
Not Having Shared Vision of Success
Many couples think that when they get married the other partner will change over night. They believe in this fairytale, that everything will be all roses, until the honeymoon is over and reality sets in. You’re finding out things that you didn’t see while you were dating. You never sat down with your partner to see what type of future you expected from one another and now your expectation has been destroyed because neither of you are on the same page and its causing huge problems now.
Constant Bickering and Arguing
There’s nothing worse than being in a relationship and not being able to get along or agree. From who does what, who pays for what and even disagreements about children. You and your spouse arguing is the only means of communicating with one another and that’s not good. If you’re arguing about the same thing all the time, then that means someone feels like they aren’t being heard. If you can’t agree to disagree, then your relationship is definitely in trouble, because you’ll never come to a resolution. Most couples divorce because of ‘irreconcilable differences’ and constant arguing and bickering could definitely fall under that category.
One thing we do as humans is we expect others to change when we aren’t happy. We aren’t used to changing ourselves to be happy, we want everyone else to change for us. This type of attitude can take the form of punishing, criticizing, blaming and complaining in a marriage and that is going to make your partner feel some type of way. You must be responsible for your own happiness, no one can make you happy but you. Your partner is really just the icing on the cake.
Lack of Equality
Unfortunately, there are marriages where one partner feels they take on more responsibility than the other. They don’t feel equal. What ends up happening is one partner starts to feel quite a bit of resentment until it gets out of control. If you don’t set your expectations and boundaries beforehand there might be a possibility that this could happen to you. Talk about who will do what and make sure you both are okay with your individual responsibilities.
Physical or emotional abuse can find its way into a relationship at any time. There are usually signs of an abuser early on in a relationship. It would be horrible to get married to someone that you think is your best friend and you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him/her and all of a sudden they become physical with you and put their hands on you or they abuse you emotionally. And instead of spending your life with them, you’re trying to find the quickest way out. Any kind of abuse leaves scars, so you’d better be sure of who you’re marrying.
Again, we all get married with the intentions to stay married. But there are so many people who are in relationships that they don’t need to be in to begin with. You have to know who you’re marrying in order for it to work. You both should know each other inside and out. Your goals and ambitions should line up with one another and you should be able to communicate about any and everything! Marriage could be forever if you want it to be.